I tried to get the logline for my young adult science fiction, Startripped, entered into the critique rounds at Miss Snark's First Victim blog, but I didn't get randomly picked, so I thought I'd request help from my readers here.
In fact, I have two very different loglines, and I'm not even sure which one to use. So tell me which one you like best, and why (pretty please?) and ANY suggestions for improvement are greatly appreciated.
Logline #1, 40 words:
Blinded in a freak accident, seventeen-year-old Camria is tempted by a mysterious young man's offer to restore her sight, in exchange for her memories which she discovers are not her own but belong to another girl who lives light-years away.
Logline #2, 56 words:Camria and her twin sister Liz were the first children ever born on the International Space Station. Seventeen years later, Cam just wants to live a normal high school life. But when she’s blinded in a freak explosion, and Liz disappears, she’ll do anything to get her sister and her sight back: even risk a journey light-years away.
Thank you for your feedback!