Tuesday, May 18, 2010

"Let's Talk" blogfest

Fictiongroupie is having a blogfest today where we all post a bit of dialogue and then compare notes. Blogfest is open until midnight, details are here.

This is an excerpt from my women's fiction nearly-complete novel, Raining Toward Heaven. A single sentence summary, by way of intro: When Rowen wished she could go back in time to before her marriage started falling apart, she never expected she would actually get her wish.

The following dialogue is between Rowen and her husband's ex-wife, Kell, who has just been hired as Rowen's office assistant (not Rowen's choice!) Because of the time-twist, Kell doesn't know that Rowen will be her husband's future wife, but Rowen unfortunately still has all her bad memories.


Rowen checked her watch. Five minutes to noon, but that was close enough. Time for lunch and she couldn't wait to get out of here. She logged off her computer and grabbed her purse. "I’m heading off for lunch."

Kell's cell phone rang for fourth time, the same ring tone. She silenced the ringer without answering it. “Sorry about that, I’ll remember to keep my phone silenced while I’m at work, from now on.”

“No problem,” Rowen said. "So who is it that keeps calling you?”

“Pete,” Kell said, saying his name like it had a bad taste.

“Oh, is he your husband?” Rowen asked, all innocence.

Kell rolled her eyes. “Not for much longer.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not.” Something about Kell’s demeanor made it clear she didn’t want to talk about it.

“Okay, well I’ll be back from lunch at 1 pm.”

Just as Rowen opened the door to step out, Kell made a hissing noise that made her look back. The cell phone, again? But Kell was looking at her computer monitor with shock. “Wait a minute, Rowen!”

Rowen tried to keep from grinning. Skip’s little prank had just taken effect.

“What is it?” she came over to look at the computer.

“Um, no, never mind,” Kell said, waving her off. “It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?” she kept walking forward, fully enjoying Kell’s look of distress as she got closer.

“No really, it’s nothing.” Kell was clicking her mouse furiously. No doubt trying to erase the message that had popped up on her screen. Implicated for hitting the backspace key too many times! Kell's flushed cheeks showed that she was annoyed – no – mortified by the accusation.

Her computer beeped and Kell’s eyes flew open wide. “Why, that bugger – ”

Rowen finally let her laughter loose. “Let me guess. Skip just played a practical joke on you, didn’t he?” After freezing Kell’s computer long enough to make her panic, Skip had probably just popped up another message informing her of the fact that she’d just been hoodwinked.

Kell looked up at her with a frown.

“Sorry, I forgot to warn you,” Rowen lied. “He did the same thing to me on my first day.”

“Oh, did he?” Kell smiled frostily. “Well, two can play this game.”

“I don’t think anyone can booby trap Skip’s computer, he’s got it too well-guarded.” Rowen warned her.

“Who said anything about booby trapping his computer?” Kell asked, with a wicked grin.

For one brief moment, Rowen considered the possibility that it might actually be fun having Kell around the office.

14 comments:

  1. Interesting story concept!!! Thanks for posting!!

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  2. Cool. Nothing like a practical joke to start a good working relationship... btw did you know there's a practical joke blogfest, too?

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  3. Nice! Like a tennis match--quick and accurate of bounce. (;

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  4. Hmm...this sounds interesting! And I agree, a great premise. The dialogue is right on - great job!

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  5. I like this concept and the flow of your writing a lot. I'm so curious if she is going to change the future by being in the past.

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  6. This hits the ground running, doesn't it? Thanks for sharing! :)

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  7. Love the premise! The dialogue is fun, too! I'm REALLY curious what Kell's going to do to get back at Skip!

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  8. Nice, tight, flowing dialogue--great job! Jumping into the story like that is a bit hard to get a feel what's going on. But still, the characters and dialogue are great!

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  9. This is really nice. The dialogue and writing is tight. I like your story concept too!

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  10. Interesting premise! I'm dying to know if she and Kell become fast friends and the MC realizes instead of trying to save her future marriage, she should avoid it...

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  11. What a difficult position for Rowan to be in. Great scene!

    I'm really curious to know how Kell gets Skip back! ;-)

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  12. What an interesting concept. Fun dialogue too. I admit, I don't see much animosity beyond normal "hazing new person" on Rowen's side. I'm really curious to see what Kell comes up with for Skip though!

    ~Lia

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  13. I thought this was a fun little exchange, and I, too, am curious what Kell has up her sleeve. :)

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