What's up: developing the antagonist

What's Up Wednesday is for anyone interested in keeping in touch with other writers, a meme hosted by writing sisters Erin Funk and Jaime Morrow

What I'm reading
Seraphina's sequel, ShadowScale, by Rachel Hartman. Seraphina is in my all-time favorites list, and it's wonderful to be back in this richly developed world with dragons and half dragons and a whole host of new characters. What I love most about these books: everyone is odd. It's a celebration of oddness, out-of-placeness, quirkiness, downright LOL uniqueness.

Recently finished When Reason Breaks  by Cindy L. Rodriguez which features Emily Dickinson’s poetry as a guide to two girls struggling with depression and anger. Highly recommend!


What I'm writing
I shared the first six chapters of Refuge, my MG fantasy that I'm re-writing, with my CP of 15 years (she's a champ!) - she read the original version of this story, the one that was so far over 100,000 words that I'm not even going to 'fess up how long it was, and how rambling. But the brave dear soul was not only willing to read my re-write, she was excited to! 

She right away caught a major problem though: I'd totally failed to develop my antagonist. (I have two antogonists: one is a human, one is a unicorn. I concentrated on developing my human antagonist but forgot about the other guy).  The unicorn was a generic mu ha ha ha antagonist without any motivation or depth at all, just basically there to mess up the good guys' lives.  It's been so much evil fun developing him. 

What else I've been up to
We celebrated Valentines with the whole family at the Denver Aquarium, and scored a dinner table right next to the giant tank full of giant fish and stingrays, and a mermaid show.  Writer friends, let it be known, my dream house would be a giant aquarium, with glass tube like rooms. (Even the library would have one wall of watery fish-filled glass. The other three walls would be books). 

What works for me
First thing-in-the morning writing exercise/free write.  I am so NOT a morning person, which is why I think free-writing in the morning actually works for me: my brain is still in  a fog, so my subconcious has more free rein, and it comes up with some unfettered off-the-wall stuff. I used this method to develop my antagonist, using these prompts from this great writing tool (thank you, Emily, for sharing it), the Pyramid Approach to Novel Writing by Jess Loury:

A well-written, believable and sympathetic antagonist spells the difference between a toss-away novel and a cinematic novel. Imagine you are your antagonist’s biographer... ask these questions:

• What’s your name? Nickname? 

• Anyone ever tell you that you look like someone famous? 

• Of all your qualities, which are you most proud of? Where do you think youacquired this quality?

• What do people seem to like the least about you? How does it make you feel? 

• Which habit of yours would you most like to change? 

• If someone looked in your bathroom garbage right now, what would they find? 

• What scent do you enjoy the most, and what does it remind you of? 

• If you could go back in time and change one day of your life, what day would it be, and why? 

• What three goals do you want to accomplish in the next year? What challengesdo you have to overcome to reach them? 

• Whom do you love most in this world and why? 

• What scares you?

Looking forward to seeing what works for everyone else this week...

Light writing days

What's Up Wednesday is for anyone interested in keeping in touch with other writers, a meme hosted by writing sisters Erin Funk and Jaime Morrow

What I'm reading
While waiting (impatiently) for Seraphina's sequel, ShadowScale, to be out in early March, I'm currently reading When Reason Breaks  by Cindy L. Rodriguez which features Emily Dickinson’s poetry as a guide to two girls struggling with depression and anger. I love the characters and this is a great way to soak up poetry, which I normally don't read much of.


I just finished reading Landline by Rainbow Rowell and deeply enjoyed it. Also recently finished Rain Reign by Anne M. Martin and was surprisingly swept away by this story in the voice of a 5th grader with high functioning autism. 

What I'm writing
I've been layering in more setting details and characterization touches to my MG fantasy set in Alaska.  Setting inspiration has been coming from a surprising source: PBS' "Nature" series with its breathtaking videography. 

I'm also having to return to the opening chapters of my YA science fiction that I've been querying. I've gotten a couple personalized rejections with similar suggestions. With several agents pointing out the same things, I've got to make some changes. They say I have too much going on and not enough characterization in the first 50 pages, so right now I'm doing a reverse outline of everything going on in the first fifty to see where I can simplify things, and then add back in more characterization. To help with characterization, I'm revisiting these thoughtful questions from Writing 21st century fiction, by Donald Maass. 

• What terrifies you? 
• What outrages you? 
• What grieves you?  
• What heals you? 
• What did your father teach you that still holds true? 
• What did you learn in college that’s dead wrong? 
• What about your faith is painful to admit?  

What else I've been up to
I went downhill skiing for the first time in 11 years! I worried I'd be falling down left and right, but muscle memory must have kicked in, because I was zooming down the slopes right away. I'd forgotten how beautiful the slopes are. I'm not going to wait another 11 years to do this again. It was my 13 year old daughter's first time skiing and she picked it up really fast, though the next day she couldn't believe how sore she was!

What works for me
What gets me through Nanowrimo every November is the rule, "don't skip more than a day." I've noticed I can skip one day with my writing, even two, but if I skip three days in row, I lose my momentum and stall out. What's been working for me lately is to designate some days as "light writing days" - just a half hour of writing, but it's enough so I don't lose my momentum. 

An elusive refuge and a love list

After a strong finish to NaNoWriMo, I'm in a writing slump. Feeling discouraged, lack luster... not just with writing but can't even get myself motivated to decorate the Christmas tree - and Christmas time has always been a very special time for me, full of little traditions that this year, for some reason, just seem like more work to me instead of bringing delight.

That story that was so exciting to write in the last week of November... I'm re-reading it now and seeing all its flaws. It's about a hidden refuge, and for many years (on and off, as I've been working on this story on and off for a long, long, time) the story itself has been a refuge me, a place where I escape in my mind. But lately it hasn't been my refuge; it's been more my...nemesis. It's like this place has become too interwoven with years of dreams and imaginings that I can't capture it with words - at least not cohesively. Only bits and pieces. The spirit of the story is elusive... what I write is pale and awkward in comparison.

But I've been through enough ups and downs now with writing (and life!) that I know "this too shall pass" - inspiration will come around again. With patience and lots of word-smithing, the flaws that I can't see past right now can slowly be turned into something that lets the passion shine through.

I've learned a few tricks to help the inspiration along, thanks to other bloggers who have shared their own ups and downs. My favorite discovery this year was the story love list. I compiled a love list for my science fiction story back in September and hope if I put one together for this elusive refuge it might help my words get a little closer to the vision in my head.

It's set in Alaska because Alaska has so much remote wilderness I figured it would be a great setting for a bunch of mythical creatures trying to keep  themselves secret and hidden from the rest of the world.

Here's my list of things I love about this novel:

1. taiga - isn't that a neat word? it's a Russian word for the northern boreal forest

Nabsena road, Wrangell-St Elias National Park

2. old log cabins

3. campfires

4. picking blueberries

5. lofts you can only reach with a ladder

6. glaciers

7. eagles

8. dreamy late afternoon light slanting through a forest

9. northern lights

10. mythical creatures

11. sketchbooks

12. kerosene lanterns

13. pontoon planes

14. rainbows

15. a ghost fox

16, forget-me-not flowers

17. pieces of poems

But true love is a durable fire,
In the mind ever burning
Never sick, never old, never dead
From itself never turning

18. eighteen hours of sunshine a day

On the passionate homestretch

Last week I posted about this has been my hardest NaNoWriMo ever.  Other Novembers have been hard because of travel, or sickness, but this time around, it's the story itself that was frustrating me. I just couldn't capture the vision (or even bits and pieces) of my vision for this story.

Turns out, blogging about my frustrations really helped. Even though I didn't get into the specifics. Just the act of sharing "I'm so frustrated!" (and all your kind and encouraging comments) helped me get past the frustration. Also much thanks to Julie Dao and this post of hers which reminded of the power of journaling through slumps.

The very night after blogging, ideas started to flow. I was able to isolate a few of the issues that were troubling me and some ideas about what could work, instead.

I had all these detailed character sketches for this story; so why weren't my characters working? Why did the main character feel so flat?  Part of the problem that I finally pinned down is that the character sketches were from 5 years ago (I wrote the draft of this story over 5 years ago. My plan this year was to completely rewrite it). Five years ago, I was really good at finding quirks for my characters, and I knew what their flaws were and their strengths. I even knew that all-important question: what do they want so badly that it drives everything they do? But I didn't know their passion. And, it turns out, that was a major missing factor.

So I've learned I have a really hard time writing characters that aren't passionate, and if I can't write the characters, I can't write the story.

The past week the writing has been going a lot better. I don't have the whole passion thing figured out, but I do know that it means digging deep into a character: into their past, into their fears. It also means seeing details that only they would see. Which is sort of the opposite of digging deep: this one sort of requires a light touch. But both require living in their shoes literally almost all day, every day for... well, let's say the month of November. (My family eagerly awaits the return of my attention. Most of this month I've been off in novel-land).

This post from Writer Unboxed: the Point of Writing, also really helped, especially this part:

• Writing is about finding out who you are, what you have to say that is not the same as what everyone else has to say, and how to express it in the strongest possible terms.
• The point of writing is to tell a story with your insight, the perspective that only you have.
• The point of writing is to think deeply and to inform, entertain, communicate your insight with your readers.
• The point of writing is to seek truth.  And it doesn’t matter how you do that, or whether you’re writing thrillers or detective stories or comedies, or picture books for children.  Truth is what will give your work resonance and power and make it worth reading...

I was close to giving up on this NaNoWriMo, but now I'm going for the win. Or rather, Lurching for the win.

Glad to be going into Thanksgiving tomrrow with a thankful mood regarding this story, which is my oldest and most beloved story, my "baby" but also definitely my "problem child."  Also thankful I have a clear holiday and weekend - no travel or plans (other than a yummy turkey dinner) - to compete with catching up my word count!

The writing isn't working

I'm having my worst NaNoWriMo ever. This month is usually a rush. Frustrating at times, exhausting, but oh - the ideas! the random lovely/scary things that appear and make me wonder, did I write that? where did that come from? I usually end up chopping up what I write for NaNo; a lot of it gets cut or heavily revised. But NaNo always gives me a solid diamond core.

Not so much this year. I have this vision my head that just isn't coming out in words. I don't expect the writing magic to flow every night, but the thing I've come to depend on with NaNo is that if I keep spewing the words out every night, then the drudgery momentarily turns to magic, here and there.  Into my third week now, and I'm not seeing any sparks flying yet. I'm holding onto my vision for this story, and trusting the process of visiting it every night, putting one word after another, trying not to give up.

My vision for this book (working title, Refuge) is a blend of the real world with completely magical mythical creatures. It isn't a portal into a magical world like Narnia, or a reverse portal where something magical finds itself stuck in reality; it's not a clash of two different worlds... it's sort of the real world and the magical one tentatively meeting each other, brushing edges  and sparking static electricty, but still hiding in the shadows. It's also about what the two worlds need to learn from each other. 

Plans for this story go back many, many years and includes inspiration from sources like Legend (the 1985 movie with Tom Cruise); the Island Stallion by Walter Farley and the Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. More recently, the Iron Fey series by Julie Kagawa, Pegasus by Robin McKinley and the Daughter of Smoke and Bone series by Laini Taylor have sparked new passion into my original vision. I have a rough draft and years of dreaming; what I had hoped to do during this NaNo was to stitch the new vision into the old but now I'm wondering if I have maybe too much "grand vision" and "dreaming" and not enough of it distilled down into concrete ideas. And yet, I have a solid outline, tons of world building and character sketches - but something is still missing to make all of the ingredients work together. 

Even if the magic doesn't kick in during this round, I love this story too much to give up.  A story like this deserves as much time as it needs to fully come together. Maybe its waiting on me to grow some more, learn some more, collect more experience and heartbreak and passion. 

There are 10 days of NaNoWriMo left and I'm going to keep plugging away. 

Ready, set, write: jinns and unicorns

Ready. Set. WRITE! is a summer writing intensive that encourages goal-setting and accountability, and provides an opportunity for us to cheer each other on wherever we’re at in our writing—planning, drafting, revising, or polishing. This year, your RSW hosts are Alison Miller, Jaime Morrow, Erin Funk, and Katy Upperman. Find the rest of the details HERE.

1. This is my first week, my goal last week was to finish up another non-writing project (done!) so that this week I could get back into writing!  My goal this week is to finish working in some ideas for richer characterization to the book I'm currently querying (Star Tripped: YA SF) and write two chapters on my WIP (MG fantasy: Refuge). 

2. I set myself some reading goals at the beginning of the year: 12 debut authors (7 read), 3 Newbery books (2 read), 2 Printz books (not yet), 2 science fiction classics (1 read), two classics (not yet), and 10 books with diverse main characters  (6 read). The only goal I'm not on track for is limiting myself to one book a week, since I get carried away with reading and let my writing slack! So my goal this week is NOT to read more than a chapter a day!  This is what I just started reading, and its starting off both whimsical and lyrical: 

Jinns! Wishes!

3.  I'm trying to lose 10 pounds this summer and another 10 pounds this fall, which means tracking my food daily and exercising 4 times a week, at least 3 hours total.  Last week was pretty good, I lost 1.5 pounds, going for that again!

* A favorite line from my project OR a word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.

This is an attempt at the idea I had to make my MC's characterization stronger, her way of viewing the high school crowd as a palace court full of intrigue:

I want to call Juno, my guide dog, to have at least something standing by me. Liz’s friends have always made me think of courtiers at a palace, all contending for positions closest to the throne. My popular sister played the role of princess; the volleyball team were her ladies-in-waiting, and the football team, her knights. Skizz was her court jester, and me – well, I was the court ghost. I saw everything, but no one ever noticed me.

* The biggest challenge I faced this week.

Countdown to county fair:  23 days. That means we're trying to get into full swing to get my two older girls all practiced up and ready with their horses. It's fun but it's also stressful and time consuming. Last weekend we were at an INTENSE 4H horse camp, riding literally all day (but it was amazing. We all learned so much). This weekend we were at a barrel race on Saturday and a schooling show on Sunday that both went for 6+ hours.  Next weekend - the same thing again plus 4th of July activities! So my challenge is using my time wisely during the week days. I usually rely on my weekends to get a lot of writing done, but not until fair is over. 

The 10 year old and her horse Tuffy at 4H camp

* Something I love about my WiP. 

That my girls are still begging for me to work on my middle grade fantasy (Refuge) and read it to them. Because it has unicorns and magic and I love that my almost 13-year-old doesn't think she's too grown up for unicorns yet.

Whats your biggest challenge or inspiration this week?

A story about Insecurity and Inspiration

The first Wednesday of the month
 is time for Insecure Writershos Support Group,
hosted by Alex Cavanaugh and his
excellent team. 

Back in March I posted "how an old dream is rekindled" - just for kicks and giggles, I read the first two chapters of my long-shelved unicorn story, Refuge, to my four girls, and they loved it and clamored for more. So, their love inspired me to start working on the story again.

At first, I thought, "this writing isn't half bad... I can clean this up pretty easily". After all, I had 5 years and 3 more manuscripts' worth of writing experience since I shelved this first attempt at a manuscript.

The first four chapters were in good shape and didn't need much work, but after that, what a mess!! I finally realized that mere "revising" wasn't going to work. I was going to have rewrite it, or at least major parts of it.

Insecurity started biting at my ankles (you know those little dogs that are called ankle biters? sometimes insecurity shows up like an ankle biter.)

Sometimes, Insecurity shows up more like the Hound of the Baskervilles: dark and really, really scary.

This has happened before (the insecurity part, and the massive rewrite part). I mean, we all know that good writing is essentially rewriting, right?  So the first thing I do when facing a rewrite is I find all the good stuff that is worth keeping, because that makes me feel better.

I read through the first third and copied all the parts that were worth saving. Little bits of characterization, setting, and dialogue. The document with all my bits and pieces was a jumbled mess, so (because I don't yet have awesome software like Scrivener), I had to figure out someway to organize it so that while rewriting, I could easily find the good stuff and fit it back in.

I organized the bits and pieces by character. So I ended up with five documents for five different characters, (kind of like a character worksheet, but in reverse). Then I made a sixth document to keep all the setting details that were worth saving.

At some point, skimming through this sixth document of setting details, my brain did the cool thing it sometimes does (not nearly often enough) and made a CONNECTION. My imagination looked at all those setting details and suddenly, eureka! - it realized that the setting was, in fact, a SIXTH character.

Cool!

The ankle biter, Insecurity, was momentarily pushed aside by Inspiration, which in contrast is a lithe, shimmery little dragon, kind of like Mushu, the miniature dragon from Mulan,

but a prettier, more clever version that impresses the cricket more often.

Inspiration twined around my torn-apart story like a purring dragon-cat, sparking imaginative fire for a few days.

(this is not the purring dragon cat of Inspiration my mind had envisioned, but this was too funny not use anyway)

Then, the fire went out, and the ankle-biter was back. Because all the pretty little bits and pieces still had to be stitched back together with new words, and the new words were coming slowly and painfully and weren't nearly as pretty as Inspiration had promised.

So, I'd like to say this little story has a happy ending, where the ankle-biter got put on a leash and the purring dragon cat was enticed to stay around and continuing breathing Inspiring Sparks into my story, but the reality is I'm still limping along at rewriting. My new words, more often than not, lack voice. Lack original details. They lack tension and sensory richness and they feel like "filler."

But I write them down anyway, because my favorite quote is Jack London's: "you cannot wait for inspiration; you must go after it with a club" and if I club that fickle dragon cat with bad words then eventually he spits a few good words my direction.

It all takes time and work and that, THAT's how you keep the hounds at bay, until you discover (SPOILER! highlight to see) that the Hound of the Baskervilles of Insecurity is just an ordinary hound tricked out with phosphorous to make him look scary. End spoiler.

What animals do you imagine Insecurity and Inspiration to look like?

The Disreputable History, the Kentucky Derby, and Shakespeare High

“What’s Up Wednesday” is a weekly meme started by Jaime Morrow and Erin Funk. You’re invited to join us if you’re looking for something to blog about, a way to let your blog friends know what’s been going on with you. If you’re participating, make sure to link your What’s Up Wednesday posts to the list on Jaime’s blog each week. That way, others can visit your post and check out what you’ve been up to.

What I've been reading:
I just finished two great books. 5 stars people, 5 stars! (I don't give those lightly: only if I am for sure planning to re-read them). These books are both sophisticated YA... but still fun.

The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, by E. Lockhart (YA contemporary)  Frankie is a FORCE! She is clever. She is a strategist: she thinks before she speaks, weighing all the options. But she's also vulnerable. She turns the pranks of an all-boys-sort-of-secret-prep-school club inside out. Written with great narrative voice.

The King of Attolia, by Megan Whalen Turner. (YA fantasy).  Nothing is what it seems in this book of palace intrigue and plotting. Full of witty repartee and a character, Eugenides, you will not soon forget.

Currently reading Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett. Also reading the Bronze Bow by Elizabeth Speare (a Newbery medal) with my kids. Next in the queue to read: She Is Not Invisible by Marcus Sedgewick, an April new release and Played by Liz Fichera, a May new release.

What I've been writing: 
Querying my YA science fiction, Star Tripped, and editing my MG fantasy, Refuge. Doing some free writing and writing from prompts to find some voice. It never comes easy, and then only in small fragments, but when it does finally appear oh it makes it worth the work.

What else I've been up to: 
Planning a birthday party for my 7 year old twins, it'll be this Saturday May 3, which is Kentucky Derby Day (what? you didn't know that?) So the theme is the Kentucky Derby, of course. The kids will get to pick which race horse they get to be and (if the weather cooperates!) we'll have some relay races and three legged races and so forth... and watch the race on TV of course. And have pony rides (not races) (again, if the weather cooperates: its SNOWING outside as I type this. The disadvantage of living at 7200 ft in Laramie, Wyoming).

What's inspiring me:
I have a very grudging admiration for Shakespeare (mostly due to his fantastic insults!), but recently I came across this documentary called Shakespeare High that, well, inspired me. It's about several teams of drama students in the greater Los Angeles area competing in a Shakespeare festival. One team includes former drug dealers and gang members. Doing Shakespeare. Yes, really. Here's a couple quotes from the film that I actually replayed several times so I could write them down, they were so thought-provoking:

A former gang member: "Do you know why an actor acts? Because he doesn't like who he is. When you act, you get to be somebody you're not. You can make up the character... you can become something you're not. You don't have to work up to it, you don't have to pay, you don't have to do nuthin but be it."

Richard Dreyfuss: "one of things that Shakespeare offers is that immediately you can't understand him, and you have to work immediately just to understand what he's saying. And overwhelmingly he's right, and overwhelmingly he's witty, and overwhelmingly he's wise. And when you start to unpeel the lessons offered you find that that gesture never ends." 

So, after watching this, I have to ask: what's your favorite Shakespearean work (play, poem, etc)? (I'm still trying to figure this out myself)

In which an old dream is rekindled

Over the past year I've been having SO MUCH FUN re-reading some of my favorite childhood books to my daughters:  the Chronicles of Narnia, Bambi and Bambi's Children, My Side of the Mountain, The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler, and A Wrinkle in Time. We just finished Bambi's Children and I was debating what to offer them next: maybe Anne of Green Gables?

Then it occurred to me, hey, why not read them my book? Back in 2009 I finished writing a middle grade story about unicorns.

Ahhh, unicorns.

Alas, after finishing it, I found out it was way too long to be acceptable to agents and publishers - it was 130,000 words!!! At that point I realized I had to break it down into two, maybe even three books, which meant a major restructuring. I got overwhelmed at the thought, and switched to a new writing project, and then another new one after that, and I just never got back to middle grade story, even though it was my first love.

But now it's occurred to me that my oldest daughter is 12 years old, and she's getting close to the point where she'll be switching from reading middle grade to young adult. Right now she still loves animal stories and will read anything with horses or dogs in it (or unicorns). But I know her tastes will probably change... my stepdaughter was 13 when she read Twilight and she craved purely young adult after that point.

So right now seemed like a good time to see if my girls would be interested in Refuge (logline: In order to save the last remaining refuge of the unicorns, Selty needs help from her worst enemy: a human girl), before the oldest one has moved beyond middle grade and talking animals.

But would they actually like it? And how would I manage the problem of a 130,000 word, ridiculously long book? Well, I started re-reading it, and the five years of writing experience I've had since writing this book showed me immediately how to trim this monstrosity down. Back then I rambled through a story; a lot my scenes were extraneous, not really furthering the plot, just meandering here and there. Since then I've learned how to keep scenes focused on furthering the story. As I was re-reading,  I got excited thinking about how I could tighten it up and make it so much better - but I was also excited by how good it already was (well, to me at least!). I immediately fell in love with it again, and decided to try reading the first couple chapters to my girls to see how they'd react to it.

Absolutely terrifying. Reading this book to my family took all my nerve. I know some writers who have their family read everything they write, even their SFDs (first drafts, you insert the S word if you like) (Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird fans will understand), but I'm not like that. I only want to share the good stuff with them, the certifiably, beta-reader-proofed good stuff. I wasn't sure about this old draft from 5 years ago. But as I started reading, my girls laughed - in all the right places where they were supposed to laugh. They didn't wiggle around and tease the cat and build blanket forts like they do sometimes when a book isn't fully engaging them. And when I finished the 2nd chapter and said "that's all I have, for now," they said, "awwww! We want more!"

And I said, "Really? did you really like it?"

"Oh yes!" Four pairs of shining eyes. "We really liked it. Especially the unicorn parts." (My girls are unicorn and Pegasus crazy, just like I was, and maybe still am. We are different in lots of ways, but if you put pretty shiny horns or wings on a horse, our eyes all light up.)

Well, maybe it was a fluke. I read them chapters 3 and 4 the next night.

Same reaction. "You want me to keep reading this one?" I asked them.

"Yes!" (4x)

I'm not sure if they'll let me get it edited and tightened up first... but I'm already elbow deep in edits and I guess my official next writing project is not young adult, like I expected, but back to middle grade.

Amazing how an eager audience will motivate you!

How my writing dream began

D.L. Hammons, along with Katie Mills (Creepy Query Girl), Alex J. Cavanaugh and Matthew MacNish  (Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment), are co-hosting the ORIGINS blogfest, where we share the origins of our writing dream.

My writing dream began when I was nine or ten years old, when I read Lassie Come Home. Captivated by a love that knew no challenge too great to give up, I immediately sat down and wrote a similar story about a girl and her horse who finds his way home to her. The next year, after reading My Friend Flicka and bawling my eyes out again, I immediately wrote another knock-off. And the year after that, inspired by the Last Unicorn, I finally came up with something a little more original (but oh, so corny!)

I started several more stories between age 10 and 15 and filled many notebooks with words, and day-dreamed about them the rest of the time I wasn't writing or reading. One story in particular continued to haunt me (a middle grade fantasy, Refuge), and during high school and college kept working on it, on and off (and have continuing working on it since, on and off, it has at least 5 different versions now).

By age 16 or 17, I knew that more than anything else I wanted to be a writer.

But somewhere along the line I was also taught that writing was not a practical way of living. I don't think it was my parents -I think they would have encouraged me with anything I was truly passionate about, but I kept my writing very private (afraid of being scorned). I went to college to become a biologist, and eventually a geographer, instead.

But I kept working on this one story, on and off, always sure that this was my true passion. I'd lose sight of it for a while, at different stages - (like falling in love, and later, starting a family) - but I'd always come back to it, each time more sure than ever that writing stories was my "destiny." (And I'm past the point of caring if that sounds corny or not).

I don't know if publication is part of that destiny. I am certainly striving for publication: analyzing books, attending conferences and exchanging critiques to improve my craft, trying to figure out which genre I want to commit to. But traditional publication is not something I "have to have" - not like writing, itself. It would just be icing on the cake.  I suppose to some that would make writing just a hobby, but it means so much more to me.

The ironic thing is that even though I am word-smith, I am not sure if I could actually express in words how much writing means to me.

Do you have a passion like that? something so deeply meaningful to you that's almost too much to express?

If you love animals and want to write about them...

When you group up reading all the classical animal books - Black Beauty, Where the Red Fern Grows, Bambi - and you live in a big city without much access to real life animal adventures, two things are likely to result:

First you start writing your own animal adventures.

Then when you are old enough, you start living the dream... we currently have one dog, three cats, six horses and twenty cows. Trust me, adventures abound. Disasters, too.

And in some cases, you still love the outrageous adventures you wrote about as a kid, and you wonder. You dig out the old notebooks, laugh at your childish writing, take a stab a re-writing, fall in love with it all over again.

You take your new manuscript to a writer's conference to get it critiqued and find out about publishing.

Painful revelations are in store. Like, "why did you submit this in the young adult division? Any story focusing on animals is middle grade. And this is much too long."

This happened to me 9 years ago. (Before there were writing blogs to help me figure this stuff out. Bummer. The good writing books I'd picked up - Bird by Bird, the Marshall Plan for Novel Writing - didn't cover these facts, and I'd been oblivious to which section of the library/bookstore I was picking my books out of).

I re-wrote my epic animal adventure (Refuge: about a hidden refuge for unicorns; unicorns being an extension of my horse adventures) to middle grade specifications, but last year I put it away in a drawer. For a while. I needed to stretch out and write some new stories. Get past that "first book fixation". Was drawn back to writing for the young adult level, where animals are almost non-existent, except (cough) in the paranomal genre. Werewolves, anyone? Draki? other shapeshifters? Apparently they are okay for YA. (How about... human by day, unicorn at night... too far-fetched?)

The great blog Adventures in Children's Publishing always highlights new releases for children and young adult books, and last month they had a little blurb about The A Circuit - a young adult book. About the horse show circuit. Lots of horses in it. There are at least a hundred such books in the middle grade realm, but this was the first one I'd ever seen marketed for YA.

Marketing for MG horse books is along the lines of "girl rescues horse" or "horse rescues girl" or "girl and horse overcome odds to win big horse show".

Marketing for a YA book? Pitched completely differently:

"Readers who enjoy peeking into the elite world of Gossip Girl or The A-List will feel right at home in this new series with its friendships, drama, and privilege set against the backdrop of competitive horseback riding."

Apparently, even the title, The A Circuit, is a play on another popular title, "The A-List."  It also helps that the book was written by socialite Georgina Bloomberg, and the book purportedly dishes some hints of life of the fabulously rich Bloombergs, most famous of whom is her father, New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg.

The lengths one most go to get animals out of the middle grade genre! (grin)

Just for fun, because I'm still crazy about horses and also a proud mama, here's some pics of my girls and our horses.(Also, my daughters will be randomly picking winners of my seven-new-releases-giveaway from horseback. Still time to enter - ends at midnight August 4).

What's your favorite fictional animal/story?

Guess-that-character - REVEAL

Jenn at unedited came up with this Guess-that-Character idea: "Post a snippet of the character you'd like to be identified. Try and make sure there are no descriptions of what they might look like. This blog fest is based purely on voice, action and personality."

I must have done a good job (pats on back, blushes) because a lot of you nailed Tara pretty darn close! I also really enjoyed those of you who suggested a young Jodi Foster, AnnaSophia Robb (Because of Winn Dixie), Lindsay Lohan (Parent Trap), or a young Hayden Panettier.

But the truth is, I modeled her after a young Scarlett Johannson, specifically from the character Grace in the Horse Whisperer (1998). All attitude on the outside but a softie inside. Here she is from 1998 and then all growed up and gorgeous.

I picture Tara with the same long dark blonde hair (but in a ponytail), gray eyes, and even the same tilt to her head that says "yeah? So what!" 

Here's some of my favorite descriptions - thanks everyone!

From our hostess, Jen: Her Uncle sounds like mine, he calls my sister Koala bear all the time. I really connected with the character! My Guess: I think she's small and petite. Possibly even a little small for her age. Freckles on her face with light brown hair that falls just above her shoulder. I think she has hazel eyes as well!

Jemi Fraser: Okay, she's braver than mom, so let's say athletic, but not too strong - that pack was heavy! So maybe a little short. Hair in a pony tail - maybe brown hair.

Amie McCracken: Long, dirty blonde hair that's probably in a ponytail (and greasy from all the camping). A very athletic body, but not too tall. Blue eyes, a wide face. For some reason I'm also picturing elegant hands.

Brenda Drake: I have a niece named Tara so I'm going to try to not describe her ... well, heck ... she is just like her. Athletic, confident, lanky, brown hair, green eyes, freckled nose, and sarcastic.

Meredith: I see her as on the shorter side for her age, with dark curly brown hair and a whole lot of freckles. She's got dark brown eyes, teeth that are just a little bit crooked, and always dresses casually.

And the WINNER IS (closest description overall, except for the green eyes):

Victoria Dixon: I'm seeing a fit, but not necessarily athletic girl. She's self-confident, but not in a jerky, preppy way. I think I'm describing her instead of her appearance. LOL. I suspect she's got her hair up in a pony tail, but it's a lazy 'do and has strands falling around her face already. I like the green eyes, Hanna. I'll go with that. She's wearing hiking books and bug spray. Oh, and her Uncle is my husband. :)

Guess-that-Character blogfest

Jenn at unedited came up with this Guess-that-Character idea: "Post a snippet of the character you'd like to be identified. Try and make sure there are no descriptions of what they might look like. This blog fest is based purely on voice, action and personality."

So read my snippet (350 words), tell me what you think my character looks like. She's from my MG fantasy novel, Refuge, and she's 12 years old. Tomorrow I'll post who had the closest description, and I'll post two pictures - the child actress she looks like (and kinda acts like a little, too) and a picture of the actress now that she's an adult.

We crest a steep ridgetop, panting from hauling our huge backpacks, and I get my first indication that maybe my uncle is half-crazy. He points down the hill. “Look, our first grizzly.”

My uncles smiles like we’re at a zoo or something, not out in the wilderness with nothing between us and the largest bear I’ve ever seen.Mom makes some sort of squeaking sound and I feel like my pack just got ten times heavier and my legs ten times weaker. “Got your camera, Tarzan?” Matt asks me, in a freaky calm way.

My name is Tara, but my uncle has a million nicknames for me. At any given moment I can be Tarzan, Tango, Hobbit, or Terrapin. At the moment I sure don't feel like Tarzan. I've been camping enough times that I can deal with the whole squatting-behind-a-bush and sleeping-on-lumpy-ground thing, but the giant-bear-not-behind-a-fortress-fence is definitely a new experience for me.

The bear is standing half in, half out of a stream. The breeze blows us the rankest wet-dog scent I’ve ever smelled. He’s looking at us, but his lower lip is hanging, like he’s too busy or lazy to straighten up and give us proper attention.My mom grabs my arm and I feel her nails dig in.

“Don’t panic,” Matt says. “He’s not startled by us, I know he heard us coming.” I thought he was joking about the bear-bell tied on his backpack, earlier. “Just stand still and enjoy.”

Enjoy? By my mother’s rapid breathing and death-grip, I can tell she’s sure not enjoying herself. After a moment, the bear lumbers across the stream, gives us another look, and disappears into the aspen grove on the other side.I take a deep breath. “Okay Mom, you can reattach my arm now.”

“You see,” my mother says, in her classic I Am The Mom, I Know Best voice. “This is exactly why we need to go back. I am not comfortable putting Tara in danger.” She’s not letting go of my arm, but at least I can feel some circulation again. 

Lucid dreaming

Dreams have a part in shaping my stories. It's a mysterious process that I have no control over, and I was curious if other writers out there ever experience this. I have two sorts of dreams - random and strange dreams I have no control over, and lucid dreams, a sort of half-conscious state where I'm dreaming about my stories.

My first semester in college was a huge transition - as it is for most people. Being away from home for the first time. Adjusting to new friends, a new lifestyle, many demands including developing study habits (I had an opportunity to transfer to Cornell, an Ivy League school, but I had to pull straight A's that first semester in order to qualify). I remember many nights after I finished studying I would fall asleep thinking about my first story, as a sort of escape from the rote work of calculus and chemistry. This wasn't really dreaming, just a pleasant way to send myself off to sleep. One morning though I woke (or sort of woke) in the middle of a powerful dream about my characters in Refuge (a story about a hidden refuge for unicorns). I remember looking at the clock and thinking, I should get up and go to class. And then, never mind, skipping one class won't hurt anything, and I stayed in bed and kept on dreaming. ALL DAY. I didn't get out of bed until nearly dinner time. I think that was my first lucid dreaming experience. And shortly after that, I started writing again because I had so many ideas (I hadn't worked on my book at all since starting college).

Many years later, after college and then grad school and then moving to Wyoming and starting a my first real job, I finished that first book (well, at the time I thought it was finished - hadn't yet realized that a first complete draft is far from finished!) and started really brainstorming on another book idea. My parents came out to visit me and I took them on a driving tour of all my favorite beautiful places in the Rocky Mountains. We were staying the small, beautiful town of Lake City in southern Colorado, and for some reason I couldn't sleep that night in our hotel suite. There was a couch in the suite and decided to try sleeping on the couch instead of in bed. And I fell into another powerful lucid dream about my new story (the one that eventually turned into Handful of Scars). I dreamed the whole night - I know because I was lucid enough to check the clock several times - and also because I was lucid enough to feel giddy about being immersed in the story and all the terrible and wonderful things that were happening. It was such a powerful dream that it stayed with me, because we were traveling I didn't have time to write anything down until almost a whole week later.

Each of my story ideas (I have four well developed ones at this point) has been accompanied by at least one and sometimes several lucid dreams. I have no idea when they will come, or what triggers them. They never come until I have some initial ideas about the story and the characters, and then when the dream comes it always shows me the way the book should go - sometimes drastically changing the plot, and always giving me ideas that fire me with passion.

I've looked at some articles on the Internet about lucid dreaming and how to induce it or prolong it, but they seem kind of hokey or forced to me. Mostly I am curious to see if any other writers out there have experienced lucid dreaming in relation to their writing. If you have, please share!