Jenn at unedited came up with this Guess-that-Character idea: "Post a snippet of the character you'd like to be identified. Try and make sure there are no descriptions of what they might look like. This blog fest is based purely on voice, action and personality."
So read my snippet (350 words), tell me what you think my character looks like. She's from my MG fantasy novel, Refuge, and she's 12 years old. Tomorrow I'll post who had the closest description, and I'll post two pictures - the child actress she looks like (and kinda acts like a little, too) and a picture of the actress now that she's an adult.
We crest a steep ridgetop, panting from hauling our huge backpacks, and I get my first indication that maybe my uncle is half-crazy. He points down the hill. “Look, our first grizzly.”
My uncles smiles like we’re at a zoo or something, not out in the wilderness with nothing between us and the largest bear I’ve ever seen.Mom makes some sort of squeaking sound and I feel like my pack just got ten times heavier and my legs ten times weaker. “Got your camera, Tarzan?” Matt asks me, in a freaky calm way.
My name is Tara, but my uncle has a million nicknames for me. At any given moment I can be Tarzan, Tango, Hobbit, or Terrapin. At the moment I sure don't feel like Tarzan. I've been camping enough times that I can deal with the whole squatting-behind-a-bush and sleeping-on-lumpy-ground thing, but the giant-bear-not-behind-a-fortress-fence is definitely a new experience for me.
The bear is standing half in, half out of a stream. The breeze blows us the rankest wet-dog scent I’ve ever smelled. He’s looking at us, but his lower lip is hanging, like he’s too busy or lazy to straighten up and give us proper attention.My mom grabs my arm and I feel her nails dig in.
“Don’t panic,” Matt says. “He’s not startled by us, I know he heard us coming.” I thought he was joking about the bear-bell tied on his backpack, earlier. “Just stand still and enjoy.”
Enjoy? By my mother’s rapid breathing and death-grip, I can tell she’s sure not enjoying herself. After a moment, the bear lumbers across the stream, gives us another look, and disappears into the aspen grove on the other side.I take a deep breath. “Okay Mom, you can reattach my arm now.”
“You see,” my mother says, in her classic I Am The Mom, I Know Best voice. “This is exactly why we need to go back. I am not comfortable putting Tara in danger.” She’s not letting go of my arm, but at least I can feel some circulation again.
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5 Edits to Strengthen Your Writing, Right Now
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*By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy *
*Making some simple word edits can turn a flat scene into one that sings.*
Back when I was first learning how to write,...
1 day ago
I like this a lot. I'm seeing a middle-height, semi-athletic girl with natural look. Intelligent, observant green eyes, light ash-brown hair, freckles from the sun, but not too tan. A pretty face which has the tendency to smile ironically.
ReplyDeleteYes? How did I do? :)
shortish Mousy brown hair, likes her shorts and tanktops (singlets, vests, whatever you call them in your world ;), very thin mouth and elf-like pretty face.
ReplyDeleteGuess my character correctly and win a prize!
Yeah, I'm seeing a fit, but not necessarily athletic girl. She's self-confident, but not in a jerky, preppy way. I think I'm describing her instead of her appearance. LOL. I suspect she's got her hair up in a pony tail, but it's a lazy 'do and has strands falling around her face already. I like the green eyes, Hanna. I'll go with that. She's wearing hiking books and bug spray. Oh, and her Uncle is my husband. :)
ReplyDeleteTHis is great!! I'm thinking she's average height, and not real thin, she's athletic. I picture her with sharp blue eyes, and brown hair.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see tomorrow!
SO SCARY!! I love hiking, but I would FREAK OUT!!
ReplyDeleteok, i imagined Anna Sophia Robb- Because of Winn-Dixie age.
Golly - she sounds like a no nonsense not quite teenager and I am tempted to see a young Jodie Foster when she was 12! All blonde fringes and scrawny but with an intelligent face. :-)
ReplyDeletetake care
x
Hey, great passage.
ReplyDeleteshort and all arms and legs...lol straight blonde hair, blue intelligent eyes and a round face.
ReplyDeleteNICE!!! I say dirty blond hair to her chin, bangs and hazel eyes. Athletic build and some freckles.
ReplyDeleteThis was fantastic! Her Uncle sounds like mine, he calls my sister Koala bear all the time. I really connected with the character!
ReplyDeleteMy Guess: I think she's small and petite. Possibly even a little small for her age. Freckles on her face with light brown hair that falls just above her shoulder. I think she has hazel eyes as well!
Can't wait to see the big reveal! Thanks for joining in on the fun! Sorry it took so long to get around, I didn't expect such an awesome crazy turn out!
I don't know why, but I pictured Lindsay Lohan ca. The Parent Trap.
ReplyDeleteI love Tara! She's young, late teens perhaps. She has a lean figure so that her head looks big in comparison with her body. Her hair is bushy and brown with natural golden highlights, and her eyes are green.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I'm thinking thin, wearing brown hiking boots, jeans. Hair is plain and hanging straight, medium brown, parted on the side. I'm picturing a girl I know...friend of my nephew!
ReplyDeleteHer uncle sounds like my father-in-law.
ReplyDeleteDark, straight hair, cut short. Tall, lanky. A little clumsy and awkward. Button nose, cute kid.
Real sick of Mom and Uncle right about now.
Fun scene:)
Okay, don't even know why, but I think Tara is thin but strong and petite. She's got short dark hair. How'd I do??
ReplyDeleteOH and you should be getting your books today or tomorrow..
ReplyDeleteHehe, I like this! I see her as being a bit short for her age, with curly, messy brown hair, and freckles. Hazel/ green eyes.
ReplyDeleteLight brown pony tail, brown eyes, small framed. I had a college roomate named Tara! :)
ReplyDeleteLong, dirty blonde hair that's probably in a ponytail (and greasy from all the camping). A very athletic body, but not too tall. Blue eyes, a wide face. For some reason I'm also picturing elegant hands.
ReplyDeleteOh I also meant to say that I see her as a bit of a tomboy.
ReplyDeleteNice scene!
ReplyDeleteOkay, she's braver than mom, so let's say athletic, but not too strong - that pack was heavy! So maybe a little short. Hair in a pony tail - maybe brown hair.
I love her voice! Such a great heroine. I see her as on the shorter side for her age, with dark curly brown hair and a whole lot of freckles. She's got dark brown eyes, teeth that are just a little bit crooked, and always dresses casually. Can't wait for the reveal!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to guess the actress is Jodie Foster. She's got straight blonde hair, blue eyes, an athletic build. Great snippet!
ReplyDeletehoney blonde hair, usually in a pony tail. Wide blue eyes. She's 12, so not developing curves yet...and she's in no hurry either. She's spunky and funny.
ReplyDeleteI see a girl with dark blond hair and freckles. She's tan and athletic because she's outside a lot. Maybe brown eyes? Tall for her age. She probably wears her hair short, or back in a ponytail.
ReplyDeleteI have a niece named Tara so I'm going to try to not describe her ... well, heck ... she is just like her. Athletic, confident, lanky, brown hair, green eyes, freckled nose, and sarcastic.
ReplyDeleteGreat scene, can't wait to meet her tomorrow! :D
Aww, I loved this one. Reminded me of my CO days.
ReplyDeleteI picture her to look like a young Hayden Panettier. :)
This one was great, I'm picturing athletic, average height with sandy blonde hair and green eyes.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I picturing a young Jodie Foster.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for the reveal tomorrow.
LOL!!! Margo, I am like that mom there. I wouldn't never consent to doing stuff like that, I'd die of a heart attach first! :)
ReplyDeleteI see her with big green eyes, short blond curly hair, a heart-shaped face, a nice tan from being outdoors a lot. She still has a baby face, but is well toned from being outdoors lots. :)
Loved this, Margo! Great voice.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to say she is on the small side, with sandy hair and hazel eyes.
Athletic, lanky, long brown hair, green eyes, a pouty mouth .
ReplyDeleteI really like the voice.
Great voice! Realistic dialogue:)) I have her as short, and dark hair--shoulder-length and brown eyes.Athletic body.
ReplyDeleteMargo, what a review of Vegas! My husband and I won a trip there 14 years ago. Riding down the strip with the lights flashing was surreal. We laughed like children at Disney. We had the pleasure of seeing the Rockettes, something I had wanted to do since childhood. Had I missed them, I would have donned a pouty mouth!
ReplyDelete