An "a ha!" moment from Nightshade

This post is mostly a book review, but there are a few notes about writing craft in it too, in particular a really good technique for balancing a scene that might otherwise be too overloaded with the main character's POV.

The first chapter of Nightshade is packed full of action, blood-spilling and breaking rules. Right away you know you're dealing with a werewolf falling in love with a human that she shouldn't - ah, forbidden love! It hooks me everytime.

The beginning lays the foundation for what you realize much later in the book, is a supernatural society of....well, I can't give it away, but you can tell all is not right in this society. There's something really creepy and wrong about it. The main character, Calla, a high-school senior and werewolf, can feel that something is wrong but she is so much a part of what she's been raised in and all her friends and family (pack) are a part of, that she can't see it/admit it. Though the werewolf packs interact with normal human society (the story is based in Vail, Colorado) they are still worlds apart from it.


A lust-triangle is huge part of the book. Calla has the hots for two different guys - a werewolf Alpha male, Ren, that she's "promised" to and Shay, a human intruder in pack dynamics with a mysterious background. There are LOTS of scenes with LOTS of breathy sentences like this one: "I could feel the heat of his body and it was making my own temperature rise." (this is with Ren). Then almost in the very next paragraph, she's with Shay and his "light touch speared my body and exploded deep within me." I'm not making fun; I'm just explaining what this book is like. I enjoy the tension of a triangle, and this one is very bold.


A couple of the werewolves have musical talent, and the scenes describing their music are powerful. The dancing was well-done, too. I haven't been to a dance club in a long time, but now I can almost say I have, after reading this book - the author did a great job of transporting me into the light and the throb. In fact, I think my favorite scene from the book was this one:

A smile ghosted across Neville's lips; his fingers hovered over the guitar strings, and he began to sing.


Mason flashed a grin at me and I nodded. Yeah, I get it now.


Sabine took up the harmony. Her voice was sweet and dark like the first shadows of twilight. The music poured into my veins, a mixture of grit and silk.

I noticed something about the writing craft, here. Imagine if it had been written this way, without the middle sentence:

A smile ghosted across Neville's lips; his fingers hovered over the guitar strings, and he began to sing.

 Sabine took up the harmony. Her voice was sweet and dark like the first shadows of twilight. The music poured into my veins, a mixture of grit and silk.

It's still good, but it's even better with the insertion of Mason's reaction to the music, and Calla's response to him. I recently received a first chapter to critique with a great opening and very clean writing, but there was something missing from it and I couldn't figure out what it was. Then it finally clicked. It was TOO much the main character's POV. The MC was recounting what was happening to her so intensely that the scene lost its balance, so to speak. There were other active characters in the scene, but it was like they were only half there, in comparison to the example above, where Mason's input adds more weight to how the MC is taking in the music.  Sorry I probably haven't described this very well, but it was a big "a ha!" moment to me as writer.


Okay, back to the review. The book does a really good job of keeping you guessing about who Calla is going to end up with, Ren or Shay. It also has just enough action and scary supernatural surprises (what they find in the cave! yikes! - and the statues and pictures in the old house, whoa!) to keep you flipping pages fast. The ending is a cliffhanger.


I'll definitely come back for the sequel. Its style reminded me a little of Vampire Academy (no vampires, though) - a society with strict castes and unbending rules; but in this book the stakes are a little higher for breaking the rules, for everyone.


If you are a writer, have you had any "a ha!" moments lately with your writing? Do tell! Or if you're a reader, tell me the name of a book that you didn't like at first, but you finished feeling mighty impressed.


Oh, and don't forget to enter my contest to win your choice of two books! Open until 1/31.